10 Things no-one tells you about Pregnancy (and if they do, you don’t listen)

 

1. Your ass will expand to gargantuan proportions
2. You will walk like Godzilla – and nobody ever bothers to mention that this walk is not due to just being TOO FAT TO MOVE PROPERLY, but because of actual PAIN!
3. You will cry for no apparent reason.
4. You will want to scream at people (and if you think you can get away with it, you will.)
5. Your brain will shrink to the size of an acorn.
6. So will your bladder.
7. Everything else, up to and including your feet, will grow. And grow, and grow, and grow…
8. You will cry the first time you feel the baby kick.
9. You will hate the father of your baby every time you struggle out of bed in the middle of the night for yet another pee break (in my case, I hate him already, so I should probably say hate him more.)
10. It is the single most worthwhile biological function you will EVER PERFORM. (and men can’t do it, neener neener neener)

 

Technically, people do sort of imply nr.10, but they rarely actually come out and say it. And I think that it’s important that people take note of the fact that pregnancy is the most important thing a human being can ever do. And men can’t. Hahahahahahahahaha! 

Wold you do this?

Would you work eight extra hours while you’re sick, on fifteen minutes’ notice?
Because apparently I should have.

In any case.

I have finished The Naked God, and it’s like a genie popped out of nowhere to grant me all my wishes. I really loved that book.

In other news, Albert was an Asshole Royal last night – dragging me out to his friends’ place until ten when he knows I have to be at work at six, and then fucking off to some other friends untill bloody midnihgt. He also said they phoned him to go, but I was tired, not deaf. They never phoned him. So either he went there out of his own will, or he never went there at all. And thus was out doing godknowswhat with godknowswho. He also smoked all my cigarettes.

To sum up: I hate my job, I love the book, and Albert is a pain.

OMFG I actually Knew a President!

Have you ever indulged yourself and Googled various people you know to see if they show up? Well, I was Googling my grandfather, and his name came up along with Marais Viljoen. Now, I knew Oom Marais. Not well, but well enough to sit on his lap when I was a little girl (not like that you perv!). His wife taught me to knit. Not terribly successfuly, but I was six. So that part’s to be expected.
And only now do I find out he USED TO BE PRESIDENT OF SOUTH AFRICA? Why was I not told? Think of all the mortal terror I could have inflicted on the other kids at school!
I could have threatened to send the Secret Police after them!
Muahahahahahahah!

Except nobody ever told me, and so my evil empire never happened.
Foiled again.