His Serene Majesty, King Julius Malema


Julius Malema, formerly known as the head of the EFF political party, has declared himself King of South Africa.

His Serene Majesty Julius I said in a statement that plans for his coronation on 29 February 2017 are proceeding well.

“Of course it will be a very big affair,” King Julius said. “I plan to ride down Church Street on an elephant. There will be a parade and a spectacle so that all my subjects may admire me.” King Julius also plans to distribute free R100 coins stamped with his likeness during the event.

He expressed his hope that South Africans across the country will embrace the new monarchy and help him in his effort to throw off the shackles of democracy.

“I believe that this is the best possible move for the country as a whole. We need a united, strong leadership which is not chained to political agendas and can move strongly to take South Africa into a shining new future!”

In the same statement, he announced his intention to appoint incumbent president Jacob Zuma as his Minister of Treasury.

“Jacob and I discussed the matter,” King Julius said. “We both believe that it is time for him to step away from the pressures of the presidency and into a more relaxing job. Since the country has no money, no position could possibly be more relaxing than Treasury!”

Political commentators were divided in their opinions on the coming regime change. Those in favour pointed out that monarchy has always been quite a stable form of government, while others pointed out that monarchs themselves have never been known for their stability.

“Haven’t you people read your Shakespeare?” one well-known personality demanded during a brief interview as he was waiting for his flight to board. “Stick a crown on a man and he goes cuckoo-bananapants in a week and then it’s all over bar the shouting and the murder.”

In a later statement, King Julius also announced his intention to free South Africa’s neighbor countries and nations across the world from “the paralyzing shackles and false promises of so-called ‘democracy’” and bring them to a healthier mode of government.

He said that he fully expects to have South African boots on the ground in the United States before the end of 2017, and to have the region pacified by 2018 at the latest.

“Having come to realise that royalty is my destiny, it is my right, no, my duty, to bring the world together under a stable government for the betterment of all,” he said.

We eagerly await further developments.


Review: Strands of Sorrow

Posted: December 17, 2015 in Random Thoughts

Strands of Sorrow
Strands of Sorrow by John Ringo
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A much better finale to the series than the previous book would have been. Brilliant fun to read, especially the last part.

Can’t really say much without spoiling it, but they find some people in D.C who aren’t…let’s say they’re not entirely up to date with the status quo with regard to the shambling undead (who are neither shambling nor undead according to the canon, but fuck it, who cares anyway?)

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Review: Islands of Rage & Hope

Posted: December 17, 2015 in Random Thoughts

Islands of Rage & Hope
Islands of Rage & Hope by John Ringo
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

They save Prince Harry from certain death in the Tower of London. I don’t think I need to say any more, right? I mean, we all get it.

Also I’m pretty sure that one of the guys rescued from St. Barts is supposed to be Harrison Ford, but I could be wrong.

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Review: To Sail a Darkling Sea

Posted: December 17, 2015 in Random Thoughts

To Sail a Darkling Sea
To Sail a Darkling Sea by John Ringo
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

So the start of this book was a bit problematic, what with the ‘split’ officer being forced to give it up to her compartment mates. I must be naïve, it took me quite a while to figure out what the hell a ‘split’ even is. So points for educating me, I guess?

Anyway the rest is pretty cool – blah blah fight zombies epic battles blah. Excellent fun. Really enjoyed it!

Still with the pop culture references, which make my day every time.

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Review: Under a Graveyard Sky

Posted: December 17, 2015 in Random Thoughts

Under a Graveyard Sky
Under a Graveyard Sky by John Ringo
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

My relationship with this book (and the series it belongs to) is…shall we say, complicated? Complicated covers a multitude of sins.

I tried to read this book, and gave up in disgust because, well, everyone was just too bloody badass! I’m serious here. Thirteen year olds with guns and…yeah.

What I’m trying to say is that this is not exactly the most realistic zombie novel ever, as far as that goes.

What it might be is the one that’s the most fun.

The zombie fighting? Fun

The boating? Fun

Saving the world? Fun fun fun!

But the most fun thing is actually the incredible badassery of the main character (you don’t think she’s the main character for, like, the first 50 or so pages but trust me, she definitely is) Faith Smith.


Every person in this book took a level in badass.

And I could talk about the sort of sexist stuff going on, like all the women being pregnant but, you know what? I don’t care. I like pregnant women. I’ve been a pregnant woman. And they’re still badass, even when they occasionally have to take a break in zombie killing to toss their cookies.

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Fandom to the rescue!

Posted: December 16, 2015 in Random Thoughts

Okay, so I have officially run the fuck out of traditionally published zombie fiction. At least, traditionally-published zombie fiction that I am prepared to read – as with apocalyptic fiction, there’s an awful lot of people pissing in my splash pool.

And today I was standing in the shower wondering what I was going to do – I mean, I’ve consulted every Top 20/10/100 list I’ve been able to find (and some of those were decidedly not worth the eyeball wear and tear to read, while some that didn’t make the list were brilliant) and even risked my sanity on a couple of random books that came up when I typed ‘zombie books’ into Google. Thanks, Google, my eyes may never forgive you.

And then, the thought. You know who loves zombies? Fandom. Fandom loves zombies. You know what a lot of fans do when they love things? They write fic about it. And there are a lot, and by a lot, I mean A MASSIVE NUMBER, of The Walking Dead fans.

I’ve never actually checked out the TWD section of Archive of Our Own. Turns out it’s nice and full of yummy, yummy fiction. Obviously with more sex which…I mean, I’m not minding that. Zombies and romance? Count me in! Ironically it seems as though a lot of the top rated stories do not actually contain any zombies. Hmm. Bit of a puzzler, but okay…

BTW, did you know that Rick/Daryl seems to be a very popular pairing? In the two pages of fic listings I went through (sorted by number of kudos, because I don’t want to be turned off the whole idea before I get my teeth into some zombie goodness) about 95% of the fics were Daryl/Rick. The top-rated completed fic was actually Daryl/Beth, but I’m puzzled about the lack of Daryl/Carol, which I love. It seems as though if I want some Andrea/Michonne I will have to go find some somewhere else.


Also if anyone is reading this and wants to rec me a good zombie or otherwise apocalyptic series/novel/movie, please do!

Review: Seveneves

Posted: December 11, 2015 in Random Thoughts

Seveneves by Neal Stephenson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Remember how I said in an earlier review that sometimes, you find a book that is just so awesome that you want to shove it in the face of everyone you have ever met and make them read it?

Well. I’ve found another one.

One of the best apocalyptic stories I’ve ever read, with the kind of nebulously hopeful ending I like.

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